Frenzy
by squalmasy
Summary: [Threeshot] One will choose to forget. One will choose to remember. Two will encounter for the very same reason. LeonCloud
1. Forget

_**a/n:** I haven't written in forever...and be warned...I'm feeling abstract. My advice to the reader is: don't try to make sense of every little thing. It's meant to be a bit free-wheeling and off-keel._

_Based on the past relationships of Squall+Rinoa (ick but it's canon) and Cloud+Aeris (yaaaay!) but it is LeonCloud, the twisted way. I mean, that's the only action you get._

_Also...Cloud and Aeris haven't met again._

_Disclaimer: You'd better hope I don't own these stinkers, else they'd become suicidal or just plain confused with themselves._

Frenzy  
One will choose to forget. One will need to remember. Two will encounter for that same reason. LxC

* * *

**Part 1: Forget**

* * *

When Leon stalks from consciousness, the sky will be black. (When Squall gusts from consciousness, the sky will be black. In between the stars, all black.) When he finds an answer he will gaze at it. He will be angry, he will be hurt.

A scowl will greet him, when he wakes from consciousness. He will feel it and he will

"Here."

a sad melody. He will understand. The face of a troubled angel will match with him. He will remember to forget about her every day. (Dark hair only shadows pale thoughts, he will mutter.) When he forgets to remember, he will

"Drink that."

irony in until he is a contradiction.

He will be a contradiction. If he will not forget, then blue eyes and a grey soul will trouble himself only because he can. (It won't feel right to

"Just relax. Even for one night.")

because somewhere, he will be pinning a blue butterfly to the cold stone of a doorstep. He will garnish it with a white flower, like a grave. When he does a favor, it will seem morbid. When he smiles at lost beauty it will be his way of saying

"...Listen, are you alright?"

and he will know and create small reminders of her pain, bordered by brilliant insincerity. (He will be unable to understand completely because

"You just look so...dead, lately.) I'm worried..."

that he will try to come over it and will fail. (He will fail.) When he distracts himself he will not succeed. (When he is distracted he will know he is being distracted.) There will have been nothing he could have done. He will mourn that. (When he is victim to fate, he will blame himself for not having options.)

He will see wings on the moon circling his blue butterfly's planet. (Lunar eclipse.) Black lights from indoors will prompt him to

"...Smile a little!"

at a confused ghost. She, the ghost, will wonder why he didn't save her. He, aloud, will wonder who is. (When practicing self-deceit,

"...Your lifestyle is very unhealthy, and you know it.")

But he will not mind that consequence. He will not feel able to care. She will persist, and he will insist. This will not be familiar ground. His name will not have been

"...Squall?"

and it never will have been, because "Squall," Leon will have a strange notion, will have been a failure in saving what he loved most. The past will be easily forgotten. (That is why it will be the past.) It will be a dream for him. It will show no meaning other than that his conscience will mysteriously want the burden that

"...Right, _Leon_."

will never have earned, because this man will be strong and able to carry

"...What the heck?"

kind of weight it will have been that was once upon his shoulders. He will grow and he will shed and he will not cut hair. He will bear a scar he will distinctly remember _never _having gotten. Against his want, it will seem to cry out

"Come on, talk to me!"

and many faces will bite into him. (He will be bitten into by many strange faces.) Many named and nameless faces that will whine to this strong warrior, asking

"...but aren't we friends?"

when he says he will not speak of himself. He will be honest to say he does not remember a thing. He will be truthful to say he distinctly remembers _never_ having gotten this scar. He will wonder if a smile will reassure his plain audience.

"...But..."

he will never have smiled before. (He will have smiled maybe once before.) It will feel unnatural and he will perhaps be thankful for that. He will continue to smile more often. (A punishment he will not have earned but will feel he deserves is in the discomfort of baring one's soul to be seen. A smile.)

He will forget but he will not feel right in forgiving. When he forgets, then his feelings will be absolute. His mistakes will be absolved if he will accept their kin as his own. A clear mind will be lost forever. No sort of emotion will make him

"...fine..."

again. This pain, and his frustration, will seem to be

"...going back inside..."

of him, but the shadows of despair will always chase his fingers. They will find him and whisper

"Hey, I'll meet you later...we're still leaving together, you know."

And there will be no argument. (Long before the scar he will distinctly remember _never _having gotten, and

the mysterious six-lettered name which he will refuse to carry

he will have forgotten the need

to despair. He will have forgotten the meaning of argument.)

--


	2. Remember

**Part 2: Remember

* * *

**

When Cloud drifts into consciousness, the sky will be coloured by blood. He will have known the answer once but will have lost it somewhere along the way. He will know he must accept the blood. His body will make room for that weight. (All of it will be his to own up to.)

A rose he will have known will have bled this much.

When he regresses he will be covered in it. (Blood will not rain from a

"Cloud!"

as easily as water would.)

He will curse and spit and know that he has been found only because he will have allowed himself to carelessly look up. He will have looked to the rivers of blood flowing between the dimming stars on

"Hi!"

and will have forgotten the intention of looking away. He will be partially lost of beauty and found of grace, and will urge blood to be paid in an unusual, impossible way. (Fingernails. Eyelashes. He will be true to the term 'impossible.') When he loses himself in memory he will tell himself it is only because he must remember

"What's up?"

in the sky; what will be watching him with critical eye. He will be watched, and the eyes will quite often be his own. The pained stare of she who will have taken blood from herself and forced the blame on him.

(He will have accepted the blame because it will have offered closure.) He will watch anxiously and his eyes will be bright for no reason. (Always bright for a reason he will not forget but will think of as nothing, if only for the salvation of reasoning.) When he sees an unchanging picture he will wonder if he deserves it. Green eyes, not as bright but more soulful, will smile at him. They will go to watch the unpaired wing he will bear, the wing he will distinctly remember the significance of.

He will see no malice in green eyes but will wonder why it is that, though

"I've been working hard this whole time..."

for a cause he will have deemed worthy, the only thing he will have found is more of that impure green and dirt. (A patch of bloody flowers.) He will feel

"...so exhausted."

after aching for redemption and repenting to an empty cause. (He will be the very cause of its emptiness.) It will be by his own choice. He will not know. He will accept time in the present. (Remember the past and acknowledge the future.) He will know the future will always be more of the same. He will catch drops of bleeding rain in a flower basket and sell them to his mind. He will be a salesman. And he will feel that

"I seriously hate this."

product that he is selling. (Holy blood. Holy, holy blood. No better deal. Flowers! Flowers! Only one gil.) His mind will slowly empty out its pockets. He will despair over the fact that he will have had gained so much money in a past world, for he will have to spend all of it. (One by one gil.) Every moment will be long; every bloodied flower will be a reminder of her, and his soul will cry as he digs out his life's earnings to buy them. (One deliberate gil at a time.) He will search himself in order to buy himself more pain. The experience will be frighteningly

"...like slave labor!"

and yet he will seek no refuge. He will understand that he can not flee from himself. He will be too afraid of what became of a silver-haired angel with the dirty-green glare, once upon a time. (He will not want to become the same way, so he will stay and endure.)

But he will be happy to know that any pain he inflicts in the future will only be unto himself. He will know it is

"Best not to complain, though..."

and that

"Still, that freaking 'hole..."

ordeal will yet offer hope to him. That is why he will not forget. He will remember. (When he sees the bane of his existence, it will give him hope.) Remembering will let him shower blood on bright flowers and watch them wilt under the weight, then thrive with unknown energy. If there will have been only one time he learned something from her, it will have been when she

"...said to always look on the bright side?"

and to never look away from who he is. (He will see at last the eerie glow they all used to tell him is in his eyes.) He will not enjoy his own company but he will be in it as long as it will take to move the haunting image of silver hair and dirty-green, brown hair and lovely-green away from him. When they move away from view he will be tempted to scream. They will not have left him entirely. They will have left him with a wing he will distinctly remember the significance of.

He will be tempted to scare, and will find that what used to boil,

"My ass!"

-pirations, will have begun to simmer low for to hide from someone's green eyes. He will always remember silver hair and dirty-green, by brown hair and lovely-green, figures that will have been long lost to a "brighter" place. Oblivion. (Oblivion is brighter than this place.) He will not find escape in the life he will have.

He will be forced to create a reason to live.

"So I told him, 'Listen buddy, you can look wherever the hell you want, but the only bright things you'll find anywhere in this dump are Cloud's eyes.' That shut the whiner up real good."

And he will understand that which must be understood. (He will feel the weight of the wing he will distinctly remember the significance of, and

the pointed force of silvergreen thorns on a pink rose too bloodied to admire

he will have remembered the need

to regret. He will have remembered the meaning of misery.)

--


	3. Encounter

**Part 3: Encounter

* * *

**

When Cloud and Leon crash out of consciousness, the sky will be watching. (When Cloud and Squall collide out of consciousness, danger will dance in the sky.) They will have already found their answers and they will have already lost them to a void. They will feel broken by breakable things and will crave contact. When they lose to their fates, they will hate and attract each other. It is that

"Leon."

will hate Cloud for being able to remember that which he will have forgotten. It is that

"Cloud."

will hate Leon for being capable of forgetting such that he will always remember.

It is that neither of them will truly

"...try again."

to forget what is worth forgetting, nor will they remember what is worth remembering too

"Well..."

or strongly. It is that whoever will wish to forget will only remember and whoever will wish to remember will only forget. (Life is nothing when you are

without memories. Life gives you

every opportunity when you are

without memories.)

It is that neither will be able to express his frustration in any way but torturing the other.

Whether in light or in dark, Cloud will always remember. Leon will always torture him by helping him remember.

They will fight, they will frown. When they fight, their lips will collide. When their lips collide, they will fall into a frenzy.

Cloud will growl; he will not be on his hands and knees. He will insist on seeing long brown hair and he will not

"Stop clawing at me, dammit!"

because he will want to remember, always, always. He will see to it that this brown-haired devil called Leon bleeds. He will always keep his eyes open when they are together, no matter how tired he is. He will force himself to always remember. His rose will force him to remember her. Through grunts of pain

"Shit..."

and groans of stimulating torture

"Unnnnhh!"

he will gaze up at the man with the closed eyes (the closed eyes he will not be able to tell are not green like hers,) the man with delicate features (feminine, like her,) the man with long brown hair (as she had,) the man who bleeds (like she bled, oh god like _she_ bled) –

The only man who will torture him correctly. The only man who makes him remember. There is no other fate but this for him.

And whether in light or in dark,

"Leon!"

will always forget. Cloud will always torture him by making him forget. Even with just the panicked cries of Leon's name, Cloud will remind Leon of nothing. (Only Squall will have memories worth mourning.) There will be pain

"Jesus..."

and pleasure

"Ahh..."

and neither of these will be from memories. Leon insists on forgetting, always, always. He will always keep his eyes open when they are together, no matter how exhausted he is. Nothing of Cloud will reminds Leon of a little blue butterfly he never knew or the white funeral flowers he wouldn't recognize. (Dark hair only shadows pale thoughts, he will mutter.) Everything of Cloud will remind him of not her. She will have had dark hair. He, blonde. She will have had clear-spirited sloe eyes. He, muddled, hazy blue. She will have been a she. He, a 'he.'

Squall will have been gentle with her. With Cloud, never.

There will be no way to remember her now, not even though Leon will be a contradiction. He will have made himself a contradiction by then. But he will not care.

Neither will Cloud.

And it will have to be Cloud.

It will have to be Leon. It will have to be Cloud.

Why will have to be Leon? Why? When they

"Ohh!"

seek release, it will only bind them more. (Why will it have to be Cloud?) Biter irony will find

"Ngh..."

them each time a climax is reached. (It won't have to be Leon.) When a climax is reached, they

"Shit-!"

will realize (Yes, it will have to be Leon. It will have to be-) nothing has changed (-Cloud, after all.) and that they always have been (Aeris.) and will never be (Rinoa.) anything more than

"...Ahh."

just two desperate souls

"Hah, hah—ahh,"

with nothing to

"Shit, Jesus, Cloud--"

live for

"Fuck!"

except

"Uhn! Ah God!"

a few short moments

"AhhhAHH-!"

of

"...oh-! I'm...I--!"

frenzy.

(A scar he will distinctly remember _never_ having gotten and

a wing he will distinctly remember the significance of

always

will have him forget the need for affection

and the other

will always remember a tragedy called

love.)

-**end-**


End file.
